Kim and Friends' Songs

This song was inspired by my former supervisor, Gary, who thought the emphasized syllable in aspartame was the second one. That made it sound like a superhero name instead of a sweet chemical. So I made four sweeteners into people and sang about them. I invite other songwriters to listen and finish the story. I lost steam at the end.

Sugar Sugar Sugar
Sugar wears a white dress / Sugar’s a seductress
Sometimes Sugar wears a brown dress
That’s when she’s feeling kinda raw

Sugar Sugar Sugar
Sugar used to dance with Coke and Dr Pepper
But they dumped her for High Fructose Corn Syrup
Except in Mexico and Dublin, Texas

Sugar Sugar Sugar
She delivers up treats / making cookies and sweets
But Sugar’s got ulterior motives
Sugar makes people hyper and fat

Act II: Saccharin

Saccharin is over 100 years old
In 1908 her virtue doubted
Theodore Roosevelt defended her honor
I think the word he used was “idiot.”

She’s been a superhero since World War I
The diabetics rejoiced
She’s so sweet and low in her little pink dress
Did you know there’s no “e” in her name?

She doesn’t believe in that whole silent “e” thing.
Saccharin got a bad reputation
She doesn’t get along with rats
But even rats will tell you there’s too much of a good thing
Now some folks call her innocuous

Act III: Aspartame

Aspartame’s parents named him Aspartame
And all the kids called him Ass
So when his family moved, he changed his name
To ASPARTAME!! [applause]

You don’t want to make Aspartame mad
He gets toxic when he’s heated up
He doesn’t do well sitting alone for long
So sometimes he hangs out with Saccharin

Some folks call him a hero [diet coke addicts]
Some folks call him a villian [phenylketonurics]
Some folks think he merely has bad taste [me]
But in his blue suit he’s Equal.
In his blue suit he’s Equal.
In his blue suit he’s Equal.

Act IV: Sucralose

Sucralose, the sweetest, was almost born millennial
Born in the year of the U.S. bicentennial
He’s said to be 600 times sweeter than Sugar
With a swoopy “S” monogrammed on his yellow sweater.

Sucralose was raised by two men in London
It took a whole year to finish his adoption
The two men loved him and tried hard not to smother
But at times they truly didn’t understand each other

Rumor says that maybe Sugar is his momma
That claim created a fair amount of drama
Sugar’s family said he wasn’t naturally created
I think it hurt his feelings that his origin is debated

Act V: The Story

Now with our characters introduced and developed
This is where the action begins
Except that our storyteller’s sweet tooth is calling
So it’s going to prematurely end